Life... Why does it torment me so. Things were great for a while. My hopes, built up for a long time. It's funny though how one thing happens after another to make life fall apart around you. Injury, Loneliness, Jealousy, Stress.

First: I injured my back at work and on complete "Desk Work Only" Restrictions.

Second: My Best Friend, Probably the best friend I have ever had in my life, is now moving to Alaska.

Third: Homecoming, Though her intentions were one thing, events led to another and I've been left with a confusion bigger than my mind can handle, but I don't blame her for taking advantage of the opportunity.

Fourth: My Mother and "Soon to be Step Dad" Never... NEVER Stop arguing. I'm left in the middle of it all and my mom expects me to fix all of her problems.

There is never someone immediately available when you hit that breaking point. There is never someone to insure that it's alright. There is never that embrace or comfort you need when you hit that new moment in your life when it feels like the hardest time you have ever gone through.

Do I just seal myself away and not let anybody in ever again? It seems like that would be the easiest way to handle things. Happy... Something I haven't been in a while. Not Truly. Not since December of 2008. It almost felt Ominous watching her walk away as I went to get on the plane. An Eerie feeling like I wasn't to see her again for a very long time. Past relationships attempting to reform as my first ex sent me into a whirl of confusion when she kissed me a few weeks ago. Drama from the girl who looks up to me and always asks me for advice though almost never wants to take it, or when she does take it she constantly doubts herself.

When do I catch a break? When does fortune shine above me? How long do I have to wait, and pray, and hope for things to turn around? Somebody save me from this Maelstrom of a depression I seem to be caught in. I know my ship can hold it's weight, though anymore and it might be soon to capsize.

This is me venting of my life as it stands now. Forgotten or close to it. If I hurt anyones feelings, I'm sorry. If You feel the need to yell at me or to voice your opinion about this, then feel free. I won't get angry and I'll listen to what you have to say.

Is it all worth it? Are my Achievements for naught? Sometimes... I wonder...
Farewell for now

~Leiomier - Matt